3-19-98
I'm writing this page about near tragedy. It can mean different things
to different people, and I don't want to mention a specific situation, but I
write as the images of my pain are fresh on my mind.
To some people, tragedy means death of a loved one, or death of many. To others it means the loss of sight or hearing. Still there are other meanings. Everyone has their own image of tragedy. To me, I found myself with a responsibility. I had a responsibility that depended on me. I didn't expect to have this responsibility, but accepted it. There were times of joy, times of pain, and times of frustration. Still, through it all, my love remained and I held on to my responsibility.
Then one day I went away. When I came back, I had to face the reality that I had not upheld my assumed duties to this responsibility. The life that I thought was in my hands was in jeopardy. I did not know what was wrong at first but quickly I realized the seriousness of the situation. We wasted no time consulting a doctor, which I viewed as the lifesaver I needed. Then I returned to the responsibility I was now frantic over. Then as we attempted to bring it to the doctor we realized the true problem was not the sickness I suspected, but a pending strangulation. I quickly rushed to the aid of my dear responsibility and freed it from the hold of asphyxiation. Then the life immediately returned to my responsibility. Still I was afraid and we quickly took my responsibility to the "lifesaver" to ensure it's health.
Now I am home and my responsibility is alive and returning to its normal ways. Even though I can see the life in the eyes of my responsibility, I still cannot feel at ease. The image of my responsibility staring at me, in need of rescue, constantly flashes before me. I am constantly tormented by thoughts of other possible endings to this situation. What if I had not come home in time? What if the hold of strangulation had been tighter? What if my poor responsibility was afraid, thinking I would not be there to save it? All of those thoughts still run through my mind as I type, and it seems that my only consolation has been that everything worked out.
The feelings I have come from the thought that this situation never should have happened, that there is something more I should have done. Now that I am reflecting on the situation, I feel that there is something more I should do now. Maybe that is why I'm making this web page. I don't think the answer is to wish the situation had never happened, even though I may. I believe the answer is to rejoice in the fact that God saw my responsibility in need and brought me home to save the life of my cherished responsibility, and the fact that there was never a need to worry because there is no way things could not have worked out.
Now that all is well once again, I want to write so that others will know how I feel. As I am writing this, I doubt that more than a handful people know this site exists on the Internet as I have not made it public. Maybe someone will see it, today or much later. Maybe they will realize that what they thought was a near tragedy was not really a near tragedy, but an absolute victory. Through all of the pain I went through, my responsibility is still alive and I have a new source of inspiration in me.
I know I am not perfect and my words might not be the answer to everything, but I will pray that I can use my Internet presence as an opportunity to help others. I know that I have many goals and dreams I use when composing these pages but that must be my most important one. I want to be righteous in my work so I hope that somebody out there is reading this and praying for me, that I will not lose sight of what is really important. It is quite easy to do so.
If there is anyone out there who has experienced some problem and feels the way I do, please do not allow your regret to consume you. You must remain strong so that you can do the good that God has blessed you to do. You may feel that there is nothing good about you but there is good in you. You may feel as if no one cares about you, but there are people who care. I care. Even if you don't believe this, believe that the love that Jesus has for you is far greater than any of us can imagine. Then pray for me, that I remember and take heed to the truth in these words, and trust in Jesus. Then the love he has for you will show, and you will see that with the love of God there are no tragedies.
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